I’m sure many people would agree, 2020 has been the craziest time warp I’ve ever lived. The hours in my days move so incredibly slow, yet all the days blend together and I feel like time is moving too fast. It’s crazy to think that it has been over two weeks since my last post. So much for posting once a week. Although, now that I’m fairly adjusted to my new meds, I’m hoping to get back on track. I’ve actually been doing a bit more writing than usual lately, so there’s hope!

[I wrote most of this last week. I was recently thrown a little twist in life, so I’ve been dealing with those emotions the past couple days as I work through some things.]

I’m now three weeks into the new pill regimen. I had a check-in appointment with my doctor via video chat last Wednesday at the two week mark. We talked about how I was feeling and what the different meds are doing for me. This is when she said something that I think she thought would confuse and upset me, but I walked away with so much clarity.

From what I understand, I should’ve been being treated more for how quickly my mood can change rather than for my depression itself; like a very mild case of bipolar. As you can see from the texts with my brother, none of this was a surprise for me. It was actually much more of a relief to finally have been told something like that. Even after explaining it to me, Millie asked me how I felt about what she said, and I was honest with her. This is something I’ve felt since at least sophomore or junior year of high school when I would look up things about ‘bipolar disorder’ at least monthly. Everything finally made sense. I feel less crazy for having known for almost two decades that I was in fact ‘crazy’. I can now look back on so many events in my life and better understand why I reacted in ways that I did. In a weird way, it’s really cool to think about.

This all probably explains why she told me not to read about what she was prescribing me when she put submit the first script. I looked it up after my appointment. ‘Antipsychotic’? Of course. I giggled.

I doubt that my fun manic episode back in March wouldn’t have happened if I was already on Abilify. The post about that entire weekend should be coming soon. It’s mostly typed up, along with two other drafts that I need to muster up some motivation to finish. Soon!