Crossroads at 32.

Writing this specific post has been quite the journey for me. I’ve worked on this draft everyday for the past six days, struggling to find the right words for what I wanted to say about this book that I had finished reading the day that I started writing this draft. This post has gone through multiple drastic changes, and my thoughts followed suit to the point where the focus is no longer on the book. Although I will talk a bit about the book, bear with me, because this could get weird.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’ by Susan Cain was, ultimately, a life changing book for me. It’s a good read for anyone that’s interested in how the human mind works, regardless whether you’re an introvert or extrovert. This book is helping me get some insight on much of my past, especially childhood behaviors and my reactions to some of life’s events that still play in my head. Not only that, but it has and will continue to help me throughout the rest of my life. The best way I can describe ‘Quiet’ is that it’s a strategy guide for the life of an introvert.

Many of you that also grew up during dial-up internet and played a fair amount of video games (or knew someone who did) remembers game guide books/magazines; Back when the internet wasn’t anywhere near as fast and vast as it is now and you couldn’t simply google strategies to help you beat games. ‘Quiet’ is the strategy guide that I almost wish I had sooner. Just almost. Because, honestly, the timing couldn’t have been any better. And this is the point in this post where I talk less and less about the book…

So, while reflecting on my book experience and failing at writing this post, I came to the realization that I’m legit in a midlife crisis. The Oxford definition of a midlife crisis is “an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early middle age.” Regardless if you’d rather call it a quarter-life crisis or a 30’s-life crisis, this is where I am in my life right now. Looking back on the past almost two years of my life, and especially the past six or so months, I’m not really sure how I didn’t figure this out sooner. My decision to take a few months off from the workaholic life was the the very obvious breaking point, and now I’m here just picking up the pieces. Many of the points made in this Women’s Day article that I found via the Google machine are very relatable for me. My body was even showing signs of this crisis this summer when I had to go see my doctor due to some abnormal-for-me head issues. After some tests (which I still owe almost $200 for, because, ya know… health insurance in the US) were done and showed nothing unusual, my doctor attributed my weird head problems to me somehow being at probably the lowest weight I’ve been since high school (anyone that knows me knows that I struggle to gain/maintain weight), despite no real change in diet, exercise, and lifestyle.

I don’t really like the word ‘crisis’ for this situation though, especially when you read how Oxford/Google defines that word alone. I am not in the middle of a catastrophe or emergency, and I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’m struggling to make an important decision. However, I really like the synonym ‘crossroads’. Lots of roads and lots of crossings.

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At this moment in my ‘crisis’, I’m picking the pieces back up and restructuring my life. I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Not gonna lie, I’m pretty stoked for this rebuild and the plans that are dancing around in my mind. I don’t think I’ve even been this hopeful in my life. This is a weird emotion. I like it.

 

 

 

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