I have been slacking pretty hardcore on posting at a consistent rate. The good news is that I think I’ve finally figured out a way to keep myself motivated and ‘under control’. We’ll see.
Anyway, something I wanted to do when I was coming up with ideas for this blog thingy is have Music Mondays…. because music. Some of them will be like a song I’m feeling or an artist/band that I want to introduce to people, or a life-changing album, or a song that has some deep meaning that I feel like talking about.
This Music Monday happens to be the latter of all the options, so get ready.
Before I hop all the way into this, I just want to share this potentially unpopular opinion: Demi Lovato is the greatest female singer in the world, at this moment in time. My all-time favorite voice, with 90s Mariah Carey being a close second (because I know my brother would call me out if I didn’t mention her). I don’t care of you don’t like Demi’s music, you have to admit that she has a very awesome and powerful voice.
You don’t need to watch this entire video (all the fangirls just keep screaming, making want to punch a kitten), I mostly just want for people to hear what she says before the song.
“If you guys have ever lost anybody, I want you guys to know that they’re always with you.”
A little cheesy the way she says it, but I fully agree with her statement, regardless of religion/faith.
So, for those of you that don’t know, my dad died back in 2010. He had a heart attack in his sleep. It was actually a mildly traumatizing morning for me that I used to have some intense flashbacks to. Maybe I’ll make a post later and try to get that whole thing off my chest, but the vision of my little sister (who was 19 at the time) trying to do CPR on my dad, and the screams from my Aunt while she was holding me as they rolled his body out of the house hours later…. “That’s my brother! That’s my big brother!” she kept crying out. Yea, those two specific things will forever be engraved in my memory, regardless what other details I might forget/block out.
So all of this happened pretty early in the morning. I think Derek and his [ex]girlfriend had driven 1.5 hours up from Cinci and I believe they were there by 10am, after she had to go wake him up, and they had to pack, and all the panic/devastation in between all of that. A bit later in the day, ALL of my aunts and uncles from both of my parents sides had arrived. Someone suggested we pray, and either my mom’s sister or one of her brother’s led, I believe. Not long after this, I’m outside with my sister and one of my brother’s, stomping around in the front yard (because dad always hated when we walked in his grass). Details aren’t all here anymore, but either my brother or I asked my sister a question regarding our family prayer that we had. My sister is more or less an atheist. I don’t remember where the full conversation went, but at one point she said she believes dad is watching over us. Bro and I all confuzzled, she proceeds to slap us in the face with the Law of Conservation of Energy. It’s the law that states that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed or transferred.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed. The energy within our bodies— our souls— it can’t be destroyed. Regardless your religious beliefs, scientifically there’s an afterlife. Where does that energy go?? Some people believe in reincarnation. Some people believe in heaven/hell. Some people believe that deja vu is just a distant memory from your life that your energy is currently just reliving or just lived that moment in an alternate universe, or some crap like that.
So, long story short[er] (trust me, I could go on forever in this post), this song always reminds me of my dad. Often times, I’ll cry or at least start to tear up when I hear it. Not necessarily out of sadness, but out of so much happiness. How lucky am I to have had my dad in my life for almost 21 years? How lucky am I to have had David Brinkley as my dad? Many friends that have known me since at least early high school know that my dad and I had our issues. He was my AAU basketball coach for like nine years or something. Regardless who came and went from our team, I was consistently within the bottom two or three players as far as skill goes. Not saying I sucked, but I had girls from my team getting recruited by big basketball schools like Ohio State, University of Florida, and Xavier. Some of them went off and played pro in other countries. I grew up with a lot of very talented and badass chicks.
Sorry, I got off topic a little bit. Despite him being one of MY least favorite coaches, he was easily one of the greatest coaches ever. You can ask any girl that played for a team that my dad coached, whether it was All-Ohio Blue/No Limit in AAU, or the Columbus East High school girls teams, they’re going to tell stories of how much he would piss them off sometimes, but how having him as a coach was life changing… especially all the girls that played on my AAU team for multiple years. Some of them, my dad literally taught them how to play basketball back in like 4th/5th grade. This is something that, as I grew out of those emotional teenage years, I was more and more proud of. Proud to be ‘Dave’s daughter’, or ‘little Brinkley’.
Nothing was more evident of, not simply just how many people my dad knew, but how many lives he impacted in big ways, than the insanity of his funeral. Before all the funeral arrangements were made, some family member (don’t remember who) jokingly said that we should probably just rent out The Schottenstein Center (Ohio State’s basketball arena) for his funeral. Turns out they were right and he was a much bigger deal than I realized. By the time we (the immediate family) got there, people were parking like half a mile down the street from the church. There was already a viewing line out the door, and this was a pretty good sized church. There was a line of garbage trucks (he was a garbageman/supervisor/something) that police were letting park in no stopping zones so that dad’s coworkers could quickly pay their respects before heading out on their shifts. The actual funeral ceremony started like an hour late because the line was so long. There was a point when they had to tell people that they could view the body but couldn’t stay for the ceremony because it was already standing room only and I’m pretty sure we were a bit over the legal capacity of the church.
Then there was the procession. We took some long way to get there where we didn’t go on the highway, and tried to stay off of some of the busier streets. It was probably a slow 15-or-so mile drive. Obviously immediate family is right behind the hearse. Some of my good friends from high school we also driving in the procession. I was texting with them and they said that they were maybe halfway back in the line of vehicles. Turns out the actual procession of cars ridiculous. My friends said that they heard people on their porches commenting on how insanely long the line was and how they had ‘never seen a funeral procession with a school bus in it’. Seriously. The East High basketball teams were riding to a cemetery in a bus. My two friends got to the cemetery probably like a solid 10 minutes after we did, while being halfway back in the line.
Sorry for that tangent. People that know me know that I can start to ramble if I’m talking about something that I’m passionate about.
“The nightingale is a bird that carries both literary and poetic symbolism. The nightingale sings of love, but it is also a symbol of the connection between love and death. In Romeo and Juliet the nightingale’s song signifies that the lovers will remain together, but that both are in danger of death.” (Source)
Demi wrote this song about one of her friends that passed away when they were in their early teens. It’s about how she can still feel him. In an interview about the song, Demi said “I just have a really strong connection to him. I feel like he’s my nightingale.”
I’m lucky to have my dad as my guardian angel — my nightingale. I kid you not, the night I had my spiritual awakening, I ended up sitting on my deck in my hammock, texting my best friend about all the insanity that was going on in my head at that moment. Then the most magical thing happened and I cried happy tears.
Looked up at the stars, said something to my dad, then saw a shooting star and was hit with this indescribable energy…. like, I KNEW that that was a sign from my dad.
So here’s the song, without the screaming teenagers. I dedicate this Music Monday to everyone’s nightingales. They’re watching over you…. it’s science.