Music Monday: Scared to be happy.

The past few days have been trying, to say the least. I’m not going to get into any details, but I had a situation where I felt like I needed to, I guess, stand up for myself. And I did this is an extremely vulnerable way. Like, my emotions could’ve toned it down a tad. Long story short, the outcome of this whole situation is looking pretty positive and I feel good about it. The point of even mentioning that extremely cryptic account of my weekend is that this has brought out a sense of confidence in myself that has been fueling inside of me. Apparently I just needed to break for it to begin to flow out.

As we roll into August, my birth month, looking back, thirty-one has surprisingly been a really big year for me. I didn’t see it coming at all. This has been the age of many sudden breakthroughs in my thought processes and the way I view the world. It’s definitely the most change I’ve felt within myself since twenty-seven. THAT year was a struggle from the start considering I woke up the day after my birthday to an extremely swollen ankle and had the crutches and doctors bill to go along with it. That was the year of my huge downward spiral, almost pushing my best friend out of my life, first therapist, near death bike accident that ultimately ended up saving my life by saving me from myself. Twenty-seven faded out with me sitting in a quiet bar by myself, having my first beer after over a month of being sober since my head injury. Life is weird.

P!nk has become one of my favorite artists over the past few years, especially with these past two albums, and she’s actually a pretty cool and inspirational celebrity to follow and I love her morals. This is one of my favorite songs on her newest album that came out at the end of April. I think many of us can relate to this song in the sense that we know what to do to get ourselves out of the holes we fall into, but then we just sabotage our own mind. Many people don’t realize that so much of the crap we complain about wouldn’t be problems if we weren’t afraid of the risk/change to make things better and to heal and grow.


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