It’s funny how quickly life can go from awesome to let-me-off-this-ride. I’m definitely at a low point right now. Lowest I’ve been in months, honestly. But it’s life and life blows sometimes. Between getting screwed over at work, getting screwed over even more at work, getting absolutely screwed at work, and having people try to tell me how to live my life and not letting me live my own truths, it’s been a rough week for sure. If you couldn’t tell, work has been kicking my ass lately.
Obviously, I’m not going to go into any details about work life. I love my job, despite all the shitty moments. I feel like a lot of people have a hard time understanding why I let work get to me the way that I do. Not many people are as passionate and devoted to their job as I am. Part of that is probably the insane level of work ethic that my parents raised me and my siblings to have, and part of it is just who I am and how passionate I can get about, well, anything. It’s a blessing and a curse… heavy on the curse at the moment. Everyone that knows my work struggles have all responded basically the same way. They’re amazed by my devotion, but they also don’t understand why I put up with some of the things I do. I don’t understand it either, I just know that this is my own truth.
Speaking of truths, my oldest brother posted something the other day that couldn’t have come at a better time.
I’ve been struggling a lot over the past couple months dealing with people who don’t seem to understand that everything isn’t black/white, right/wrong, good/bad. For example, lets just say I’m sad about something. For some people, going for a run will make them feel better. For me, going for a run is something that I have absolutely no desire to do whatsoever and I’d much rather take a bat to the shin. If that’s the case, then let me do what I know (or at least think) will make me feel better. If I say that something triggered me but it doesn’t make much sense to you, that doesn’t mean that I’m not triggered and that I’m wrong. Big example is me being who I am and living where I do. I don’t want to pull the race card, but this is something I’ve struggled with lately. If I say that the way that I’m being treated triggers the “angry black woman” bullshit in my head, then who is some white male to tell me that my feelings are wrong? Do you know how it feels to live in this town (and, especially this country right now) as a black female? ….then why are you allowed to be upset and offended that I expressed those feelings and I’m not supposed to be upset? I live in a ski town. I’ve noticed more and more (especially while playing bicycles today) the weird looks I get in this town…. not sure if it’s because you don’t see many girls slaying the bike park or don’t see many black people in this town in general, but being who I am definitely gets lots of stares. This is my truth. This is something that I deal with. I don’t appreciate when people pass off my concerns as nothing just because it’s not one of their concerns. “Just because it’s not true to you doesn’t mean it’s not true”.
On the same note, I think it’s important for all of us to respect the truths of others. I can look back on many different situations and see how I may of downplayed someone else’s truth. You don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s head. You don’t know their past. You don’t know how their brain is wired. Let someone live their truth. If you think their truth is wrong, continue to be kind about it. Ask questions to get a better understanding. See what you can do to help turn their negative truths into more positive ones. Just try listening. That’s going to be the most helpful, kind, and respectful thing you can do.
Only a completely different subject, I bought a bike the other day. I really didn’t need to spend the money, but YOLO…? Still need to buy important things to go with it, like a helmet (I borrow protective gear from the Steamboat bike shop whenever I’m lapping the bike park). It doesn’t help that I really want to buy other new toys right now (new fly rod? new snowboard?), but I don’t want to max out my credit card, and apparently I need to be able to pay rent and eat food. The struggle!